5 Ways to Connect With Your Kids Today — Mama's Roots are Showing

Isn’t it crazy how fast time flies? The days and weeks just zoom past and sometimes we can feel like we’re not taking advantage of the time that we have with our children. Life can be busy, demanding, messy...

It is so easy to get into a pattern of simply getting through the day and ensuring that the to-do list is completed.

Unfortunately, when we slip into this pattern, we begin to slack off in being present and connecting with our children. They try to tell us something while we are half paying attention, thinking of the next errand that needs to be done.

It doesn’t take long to feel disconnected and soon we start to see behavior changes in our kids...and ourselves.

When we are easily triggered or our children seem moody or unwilling to listen, it is imperative that we stop and reflect on the last time we felt connected.

Parenting is all about connecting.

Probably 85% of the parenting issues we have can be resolved by connecting and building the parent-child relationship.

But how can we connect in meaningful and fulfilling ways AND still have time to handle work, errands and the duties of life?

Most days, we simply can’t spend the entire day, uninterrupted with our undivided attention on our children. While special date nights with a child (which I encourage) are an amazing way to fill our child’s cup, we need to be able to fill their cups up on a regular basis, amidst the laundry, work hours and grocery shopping.

Here Are 5 Easy Ways You Can Connect Today:

1.) Get down on your kids’ level.

Kneeling or crouching down is often suggested when a child is having a hard time. There is a reason behind this. When we are towering over our children, they have the natural response of feeling attacked and scared. By simply kneeling next to our kids and getting down to their level, the entire dynamic changes. We are on the same level and thus, the same side. But! Don’t wait for a challenging moment to use this tool. For one day, try to make the effort of getting down on your children’s level whenever you are engaging with them. If you have a baby, get on the floor, crawl next to them. If you have toddlers, sit on the floor while they stand, sit next to your child at a table rather than stand over them. This simple shift can inspire a greater connection. As an exercise, try this for one day. Set your intention to get down to your kids level and see how that feels for both of you.

2.) Teach your child something new.

Taking the opportunity to teach our children something can be such a beautiful exchange. It doesn’t have to be grandiose like teaching them archery or how to maneuver a kayak. Do you have some chores that need to get done? Bring them under your wing. Show your toddler how to use the broom and dustpan, fold hand towels or how to flip pancakes. Do these tasks alongside them, remaining present and focusing on the connection rather than the task at hand. You might be pleasantly surprised to discover how quickly a load of towels gets folded when you’re enjoying the connection of doing this together.

I know what you’re thinking...and the answer is no. It doesn’t have to be chores.

Show your child how to make a simple origami craft or how to play your favorite card game. Even better if you teach them something new and marry that to a story or a connection with you. I recently taught my eldest how to play the first song that I learned to play on the piano. It was a great moment that I will cherish forever and provided a wonderful connection. Show them how to do something from start to finish and give them your undivided attention.

3.) Tell your child about a special memory you have of them.

Children eat this up. I don’t care how old you are, everyone loves to hear the story of how they were born or came into the family and were greeted with love and adoration. Set the stage. Ask them to come snuggle with you while you tell them the story. Did your child scoot rather than crawl? Did they light up whenever they heard their favorite song and start dancing? What did it look like? Get lost in the details as you share. Feel the connection as you both delight in this reminiscing.

4.) Look in your child’s eyes.

Sadly, as our children grow, the daily gazing into our child’s eyes occurs less often. It’s much easier to do this with infants as they are constantly snuggled up with us. Sooner than we like to admit, our children are on the move and we are on the move with our busy lives. The gazing happens less frequent. To be clear, I’m not talking about looking into our children’s eyes when they’re talking. I’m talking about getting down to their level, with soft eyes and gazing into their eyes. Take a moment to do this. Let your soft and warm gaze convey how much you love them. So they feel it :) It’s great to do this after a hug or after they’ve shared a thought with you. Or you can simply say, “Come on over here. I think you’re getting bigger.” Then playfully measure their height and create that moment to gaze as your eyes naturally meet.

5.) Give your child the lead...and then follow.

Ask your child to lead you in play or some activity. The catch here is that we can’t interfere or guide in anyway. Parents have a tendency to guide or teach. This is natural, but we must check ourselves to see if it is necessary. If our child is playing with something or doing something in an unconventional way, it is perfectly fine! You can change the rules to board games and play a different way. You can pretend that Batman is bad. Let go! My kids love to teach me to draw. They give me step-by-step instructions that I do my best to follow. Whatever it may be, allow it to be. Reversing the role of the leader/follower relationship builds a different and exciting type of connection.

I can’t remember where I heard this, but I love the example of deep connection being achieved when we still feel connected to our child after they’ve left the room. That is what we are aiming for.